Another meme because I can.

November is National Meme Month. Officially. That's why I'm posting two in one night! This one was shown to me by Jill, which is pretty cool. And it's long. Very long. But that's okay.

Don't tell me lies, so where's your man? Hah, by asking this, you assume I have one. Silly you.

First name of the last person to text you? Christina.

Tell me the truth, why did you fall in love with your last ex? Was it ever love? Another assumption; I lack an ex. Hoorah.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? My friend from school.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Nope.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? Yep. Just a second ago, actually, haha.

Have you faced any of your fears lately? Yes.

Have you ever kissed under water? No.

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? My mother.

Do you have to plug your nose while swimming under water? Nah.

Are you a heart breaker? Not to my knowledge.

Do you know anyone who commited suicide? Besides famous people? Nope.

Is it ever too late to apologize? Yes.

Do your computer speakers work? Yes, thankfully.

Which friend are you most similiar to? Um, in some respects, maybe my best friend. Which makes sense.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you do? I'd say that depends on why we broke up.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? Haha.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? Not unless you paid me a considerable sum of money.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? Hotel!

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name starts with P, J, R, M, C or D? No.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yes.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? Um. No?

What did your last text say? Some chain message.

Has anyone told you they don't ever wanna lose you? Don't think so.

What's your relationship with the last person you text? Friends.

Do you fall for people easily? Yes.

Is your crush banging someone else? I really hope not, since we're both fourteen.

Are you addicted to cigarettes? Nope.

Do you know anyone named holly? No.

Are you upset because you actually aren't even cool? Um, no.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever broken a couple up? Probably not, haha.

When is the next time you will kiss someone? No clue.

Do you find smoking unattractive? Not really.

Has a male ever grabbed your boobs? Nope.

Do you like sour candies? Yes.

Do you currently have a hickey, if so where? No.

Whats something that bothers you about girls? They have no morals.

Got feelings for anyone? 'Feelings' is such a stupid word. But yes.

Are you "with" the very last person you kissed? Nah.

Whats a word that starts with the third letter of your first name? Yaks.

Who is someone you want to bite right now? Definitely Edward Cullen.

Were you intoxicated the last time you threw up? Nope.

If you could see anyone you want who would it be? I don't like to use names on this blog.

Who was your crush in the 5th grade? A guy who I was close friends with and pretended not to like.

Do you like being around a large group of friends, or a best friend? Best friend.

Would you have sex with your ex for $1,000? No.

If you see a girl with big boobs do you automatically think shes a slut? Depends on the girl.

What's usually colder, your hands or your feet?: Feet!

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Um, no.

Do you remember who you liked on New Years? Yes.

Have you kissed the same person more than 20 times in 09? Nope.

Is there a person that you can go to in sweats, hair a mess, and still feel pretty? I don't know what that question's meant to imply.

Did you sing at all today? Yes.

Are you someone who worries too often? Yes, definitely, extremely so.

When was the last time you completely broke down? Last Thursday. So mentally stable, I am.

Could things possibly get any better? Yes.

Think back to your last relationship, was it all your fault it's over? Um. Sure?

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? Yes.

If your mom worked at Hooters, what would you do? Hold an intervention.

Do you love where you live? It's okay.

What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping.

Can you get over people easily? No, not really.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go? Don't know if I'm qualified to answer that.

Would you go out in public looking like you do now? Haha, sure.

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? Nope.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No.

How do you feel right now? Bemused.

Did the last person who hurt you, ever apologize? Yes.

Are you a mean person? On occasion.

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater? Nah.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other? Yeah.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year? A little bit, less angsty, I think.

What were you doing at 8 this morning? Sleeping.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it? Not necessarily.

How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? Very.

What's your background image on your phone? The DC skyline outside of my friend's father's apartment.

Last December, what was your love life like? Haha. Same as it is now.

Do you have a best friend? Yes!

Will tomorrow be a good day? I hope so.

Are you listening to music? Yes.

The last person you hugged, did you have feelings for them? Nope.

What's your favorite color(s)? Blue, gray.

Which do you prefer - eyes or lips? Eyes.

When someone says "we need to talk", what runs through your mind? 'Oh dear.'

What color are your eyes? Brown.

Seven months ago, can you remember who you liked? Yep. Definitely.

What are you listening to right now? What We Really Were by Mission Of Burma.

What did you have for breakfast? Plastic container of peaches.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Hanging out on the internet.

Do you love the last person that called you? Not really.

Where do you want to live when you're older? Seattle or Portland.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? I haven't even had my phone on today.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Not sure.

Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? Not really.

Meet any new people this year? Tons.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? Yeah.

Is it possible to be single and happy? In my experience, yes.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months? Not sure.

Do you like hugs? Sometimes.

Do you have any piercings? Nope.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? I'd like to think so.

Baseball or football? Neither.

Do you want to get married? Yes, eventually.

Do you sleep on your stomach? On occasion.

Are you ticklish? Yes.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I somewhat doubt it.

Do you know a few people that smoke weed? One or two I sort of think do.

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby? Not to my knowledge.

Do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? I didn't even know there was such a thing.

What's the next movie you'll watch in theaters? No clue.

Will you talk to the person you like tonight? Nope.

Is this the best summer of your life? It's fall, so I'd say no.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy? Probably.

Do you prefer people who talk a lot or are quiet? Talk a lot; make up for my quietness.

Was last night terrible? No.

Have you ever wanted to never give up on someone? Nope.

Do you laugh a lot? Yeah, sort of.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Didn't like anyone.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My friends Jill and Sarah.

To celebrate November, I shall do one of those meme things.

I got this from Naomi's blog because she's an amazing blogger and therefore does amazing memes. Instead of my iPod, I'm using my extended favorites playlist on Grooveshark because I don't feel like hunting for my iPod right now.

"Put your music player on shuffle;
Post the first 40 songs that come up. You can repeat artists if you want. If you have any repeats, skip to the next track."

1. PCC - Green River.
2. Rebel Girl - Bikini Kill.
3. Vulcan Ears - Milencolin.
4. Halo - Beyonce.
5. Ariel - Babes in Toyland.
6. Green Eyes - Husker Du.
7. Love Is Paranoid - The Distillers.
8. Heaven Is A Truck - Pavement.
9. Lurker II - Jawbreaker.
10. Stutter - Elastica.
11. Hot And Cold - Katy Perry.
12. Verse Chorus Verse - Nirvana.
13. Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics.
14. Hard On For War - Mudhoney.
15. Dig Me Out - Sleater Kinney.
16. More Than A Feeling - Sleater Kinney.
17. Kiss Kiss - Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
18. Hummer - Smashing Pumpkins.
19. Deceptacon - Le Tigre.
20. Black September - Dead Moon.
21. Heavy Metal Machine - Smashing Pumpkins.
22. She's Crushing My Mind - Team Dresch.
23. Air - Frente!
24. What's Wrong With You - Bratmobile.
25. New Tools - Seaweed.
26. Drain The Blood - The Distillers.
27. Horrible - Frente!
28. Lorna - 7 Year Bitch.
29. New Radio - Bikini Kill.
30. Mongoloid - Devo.
31. Buffy (Main Title Theme) - The Breeders.
32. Jesus Online - Bush.
33. American Society - L7.
34. Hollywood Ending - Sleater Kinney.
35. Big Mess - Devo.
36. Swallow My Pride - Green River.
37. Danger! Danger! - Towers of Hanoi.
38. Hot Topic - Le Tigre.
39. I Just Can't Be Happy Today - Love Battery.
40. Drama - L7.

1. Which song do you prefer, #1 or #40? Probably 40, but they're both great.

2. Have you ever listened to #12 continuously on repeat? Yes. Addictively, at times.

3. What album is #26 from? Coral Fang.

4. What do you think about the artist who did #15? Best riot girl band ever. Carrie Brownstein is my hero.

5. Is #19 one of your favorite songs? No, but it's pretty good.

6. Who does #38 remind you of? A Le Tigre music video I watched once where everything was an innuendo.

7. Does #20 have better lyrics or music? Probably music, but that's only because the music doesn't make much sense.

8. Do any of your friends like #3? Not to my knowledge.

9. Is #33 from a movie soundtrack? Don't think so.

10. Is #18 overplayed on the radio? Nope.

11. What does #21 remind you of? Axl Rose, writing over the summer, and bare feet.

12. Which song do you prefer, #5 or #22? Team Dresch, I think.

13. What album is #17 from? Haha, I haven't the slightest idea. I don't usually listen to them.

14. When did you first hear #39? About a month ago.

15. When did you first hear #7? I was listening to all of the tracks off Coral Fang a few months ago.

16. What genre is #8? Post grunge / post punk.

17. Do any of your friends like #14? I don't know, probably not.

18. What color does #4 remind you of? Glittery gold.

19. Have you ever blasted #11 on your stereo? Definitely, multiple times.

20. What genre is #37? Post - riot grrl, I guess.

21. Can you play #13 on any instrument? No.

22. What is your favorite lyric from #30? I don't have any clue what he's singing, don't even know what 'Mongoloid' means...

23. What is your favorite lyric from #23? Again, I don't pay attention to the lyrics.

24. Would you recommend #24 to your friends? Possibly, if they were asking about the specific genre.

25. Is #2 a good song to dance to? Not really.

26. Do you ever hear #16 on the radio? Haha, no. Because the radio station is stupid.

27. Is #32 more of a “nighttime” or “daytime” song? Night.

28. Does #36 have any special meaning to you? Not unless you count me making up multiple meanings for the title when there probably aren't any. Then again, it's Mark Arm. So it probably does have multiple meanings, so no.

29. Do any of your friends like #31? Not as far as I know.

30. Is #25 a fast or slow song? Fast.

31. Is #35 a happy or sad song? It's Devo. They're just... Devo. They don't really do normal human emotions.

32. What is one of your favorite lyrics from #9? The part about talking walls.

33. Is #34 better to listen to alone or with friends? On the bus, alone.

34. When did you first hear #27? About six months ago.

35. Name 3 other songs by the artist who did #29 Sugar, For Only, Strawberry Julius.

36. Do you know all the words to #6? Nope.

37. Does #28 have better lyrics or music? Music, I suppose.

38. What album is #10 from? Elastica - the self titled debut.

Well, that was a fun time waster. Off to youth group. Oh dear. Let the social anxiety ensue.

Internet survey by my dear friend, Naomi.

She made this! I decieded to fill it out for kicks. Pretty cool, am I right? You can read her blog here.


1. Who are you?
A hopeless liar and a hypocrite. (end Veruca Salt lyrics.)

2. What's your name?
On the internet? Vertige.

3. What's your nickname?
Well, I guess that'd be Vertige.

4. How comfortable are you revealing your name?
Very, I actually don't know why I don't use it on here.

5. When's your birthday?
June 30, 1995.

6. Which country/state do you live in?
Virginia, United States.

7. What color are your eyes?
Greenish brown.

8. What color is your hair?
Black and faded greenish teal.

9. Are you more tall, or short?
Totally average - 5'5.

10. Do you like your appearance?
I don't totally hate it, but I don't love it either.

Favorites(And Also Least-Favorites)

11. Color?
Blue or grey.

12. Name?
Alice is a pretty dang awesome name.

13. Band?
Nirvana! Love Battery, at the moment, is second.

14. Song?
'One More Thing' by L7.

15. Celebrity?
Kurt Cobain. Mark Arm is second. Kathleen Hanna is third. But I don't have a crush on her. I just think she's darn cool.

16. Country?
Sweden.

17. Animal?
Sheep or bunny.

18. Car?
I adore Volkswagon vans. Hippie cars are pretty.

19. Movie?
I have no idea. Maybe 'Labyrynth' with David Bowie.

20. Book?
'1984', I think.

21. Food?
Anything relating to chocolate floats my boat.

21. Drink?
I can only assume you don't mean alcohol. Coffee.

22. Candy?
Chocolatey... stuff.


How Many...

23. Siblings do you have?
Three.

24. Pets do you/have you had?
Eight. I have five right now.

25. Songs do you have on your iPod?
About 600, however I intend to upload more.

26. Friends would you estimate you have?
I think it's sad that I have no clue. Around thirty if you count not so close friends, I think.

27. Cousins do you have?
About fifteen.

28. Computers are in your house?
Four or five.

29. YouTube channels do you follow(If you're on YouTube)?
Three or four, I don't really follow channels.

30. Blogs do you follow?
Ten or eleven.

31. Of the Harry Potter books have you read?
Haha, zero. I'm a sheltered child.

32. Websites have you ever been banned from?
Animal Crossing Community about a dozen times.

33. States have you visited?
Somewhere in the realm of fifteen.

34. Songs can you play on musical instruments?
Quite a few...

35. Songs on your iPod made it to number one in the charts?
None, as far as I know. Oh, wait, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' might have.

Have You Ever...

36. Met someone famous?
Does Andy from Bella Morte count? If so, then yes.

37. Been on TV?
Yes. They did this bit on my family when we adopted from Cambodia for some reason.

38. Seen the 'miracle of birth' or whatever happen?
Nope.

39. Fallen asleep in school?
Yes.

40. Gotten suspended from school?
No.

41. Been in a school talent show?
No.

42. Seen a rare species of animal in the wild?
No.

43. Gotten any of your work published?
Yes. Darn my school's literary magazine.

44. Snuck out?
No.

45. Stayed online all night?
Yup yup.

Your Day

46. How was your day?
Average.

47. How are you feeling?
Tense and confused.

48. How bored did you get today?
Not very.

49. How many people did you estimate you talked to?
Nine or ten.

59. How much time did you spend watching TV?
None.

60. Did you 5-2-1 today?(Hehe, only Adele can answer this...)
Is that the new 69 or something?

Other

Star Wars or Star Trek?
Star Wars has more people with eighties hair. Clear win.

Green Day or Linkin Park?
Green Day.

Looking forward to the new Harry Potter?
Not particularly.

Do you like the movie Mean Girls?
I've only seen part of it, but it seems pretty good.

How many blog followers do you have?
Five, I think.

How often do you blog?
A couple of times a week.

What's the weather like?
Dark and cloudy.

Did you like this quiz?
Yes!

Aren't you just longing to take it now? Go ahead. Do it. Make sure to credit Naomi.

The ocean hates me.

I can't think of any other reasons why it would attempt to kill me. I know this isn't a normal, or a polite way to start a post, but I don't think detailing the car ride to NC is preferable over this. So, I'll tell the world about my little near brush with death on the beach, last Tuesday!

I was out in the ocean with my mother, and, simply put, we got way too far. So far, in fact, that I couldn't reach and neither could she, once she stepped off the sandbar she was on. We failed to notice this until it was almost too late. There was apparently a really strong riptide or something that day, so the waves pushed us sideways, instead of in towards the shore. When my mother started screaming 'help' at the top of her lungs, I figured there was probably an issue of some sort. I didn't figure out exactly what it was until a gigantic wave crashed over my head, knocking me under the water and rendering me powerless for a few seconds 'til it had passed. I started panicking too, but was too out of breath to scream very loud. It happened again, and again, and after the fourth or so wave, I was completely certain I was going to die. I sound dramatic, but you'd probably say the same if you were in such a situation. I was being pulled out, not in, and that only meant the waves would be worse. I could see my mother losing strength and staying under longer and longer near me, but I was not close enough to do anything. It was actually fairly miraculous that some guys on the beach overheard our scattered screams, and came in after us, because I don't know what would have happened otherwise. According to the more conscious people who were around at the time, namely my father, I got myself most of the way out (no idea how, certainly didn't feel like it) but one of the guys assisted me the rest of the way out of the water, along with my father himself. My mother, on the other hand, was drug out of the ocean, having swallowed copious amounts of water and passed out.

I wasn't in too bad a state. I was more angry than anything else, because my throat burned and they wouldn't let me see my mother or even stand up, and there were strangers standing around watching us like we were on some television drama, but they clamped an oxygen mask over my face - in all likelyhood, to shut me up because I wouldn't stop yelling at them, I tend to do that when panicked - and took my pulse and such anyway. They were complaining it was fast, which they proceded to do all night before they let me go home, but it seems obvious my pulse would be fast. I was scared out of my mind, and had just been acting totally on instinct, fight or flight syndrome and all that, which I'm pretty sure generally raises one's pulse. And I felt all panicky the rest of the night. They took us to the hospital in an ambulance, which I guess would have been sort of cool if I weren't almost sure that my mother was dying on a stretcher beside me. She had, as we later discovered, swallowed so much water that it was building in her lungs and might later cause secondary drowning. I'll interrupt the chronological listing of events at this point to let you know that she's still alive, and almost totally back to normal again.

The story gets far more boring from that point on, because after finding that I was totally fine with the exception of a mild fever and a fast heartrate, they made me stay for 'observation' until about eleven that night, and I spent that time sitting there with an IV injected in my arm, watching television and playing hangman with my grandfather. My mother wasn't so lucky. She had to be carried in a helicoptor to Norfolk, VA, where they had more advanced lung doctor sorts of people. She wasn't exactly euphoric about this, and it really hurt me to see her start crying. It scared me, too. I won't go in to detail anymore regarding this incident, 'cept for I'll tell you that I am not going to go back into the ocean for a very, very long time, and when I do? I shall be insanely careful. I hate pain, and even though all I've got left from this incident is a long black bruise from some tie they wrapped 'round my arm at the hospital and a couple of scrapes and a little scar from where they put the IV into my elbow, that's just about all of the pain I can handle for the month. Or year. Or lifetime, really. Getting tossed around by the ocean is really not terribly painless, while it's happening either.

Enough of the whining. Vacation was pretty good, besides that. I bought some clothes, 'cause when my mother and I go anywhere for a prolonged amount of time, clothes get bought, much to my father's dismay. I got this metallic silver blazer - with shoulderpads! - that looked like it was from the eighties, and probably was from the eighties, since it was being sold for three dollars in a thrift store. I also had my mother buy me this little black dress type thing which I'll probably never wear the way it's meant to be worn, as I never go to anything formal. I intend to put a belt atop the waist line and wear it with jeans. And then I got a pair of large red sunglasses, which are pretty much exactly like the white ones I own, only... red. I don't know how else to describe them, other than that they're the same style Kurt Cobain wore, in fact, my white pair is supposed to be exactly like his, according to the seller. I don't know if it's unusual to try to dress like a dead man, but that's quite alright. Aside from the whole clothes thing, I went and saw wild horses on the beach with my grandparents and I also spent a great deal of time just hanging out and reading with the family. The thing I love most about my father's side of the family is that they're all introverted, bookish people who are content to spend several hours a day reading novels or watching science fiction movies. Which I prefer over my mother's side of the family, to be quite honest. They pass the time by gossiping and lifting weights.

The car ride home today was uneventful and even kind of enjoyable. I've read over twenty books in the past week, the owners of the rented house where we were staying had a shelf of books which I could only assume were open for use, so I was able to get my hands on some stuff that my mother definitely wouldn't have approved of... that sounds a lot worse than it is, but it actually just means Stephen King novels and other things like that. Horror, not sex. My mother is actually kind of oblivious to sex in books. She is even convinced that I put down a book if there's any swearing in it. Little does she know, I'd have literally nothing left to read if I actually did this. The best books I read this week had to be those that I got from the library myself though. I re-read The Diary Of A Young Girl, which I sort of skimmed the last time I read it, over a year ago, and didn't quite process. This time, I went slower and absorbed more of the book. Her writing is surprisingly good for a girl who's only thirteen or fourteen for most of the duration of the novel. It's almost unbelievable that it's not the creation of some adult, a fictionous Holocaust story. Maybe the fact that it's completely candid and real is what makes it so compelling. I'm currently reading Gone With The Wind, which is probably the longest book I've ever taken on, besides David Copperfield, and it's really good so far. I'm normally too lazy to put much time into finishing a book, but the characters and the whole premise of the story fascinate me. The society around the time of the Civil War, in the South, was horribly sexist, but everybody took it for granted. Well, most of the people in the story, anyway.

I think that's all I really have to say, for now. I've got to catch up on piano practice because I've got a lesson on Tuesday, and I'm so darn unprepared. Psycho isn't too bad, because it's really repetitive, mostly just varities on the same chord pattern, but Sonatina Movement II is killing me. I cannot get it nailed into my head, and I hate disappointing my teacher. I haven't done it once yet, I can't bear to let it happen now. No clue why I'm such a people pleaser, some of the time.

Oh! Grades. My report card came in the mail today (along with my Donnas tee shirt, but I figure the world is tired of hearing about my impulsive spending) It wasn't awful, wasn't extraordinary. I don't have exact percentages, but I do have letters.

English - A
French - B
Science - B+
Algebra - B
Civics - A
Gym - A
Creative Writing - A
Teen Living - A

My B+ in science was painfully close to an A. That irks me...

Music lately has been a lot of Love Battery, some Dinosaur Jr, and a scattering of other things I can hardly remember. Dead Moon, Lily Allen, Letters to Cleo. Oh, and then quite a bit of Blind Melon. I love Shannon Hoon more and more every time I listen to them. Something about his voice is so tragic, yet understatedly pretty. 'Letters From A Porcupine' is still my favorite, but 'The Pusher' is gaining on it. Their new singer - who, yes, isn't really new anymore, and has since quit the band, but he's newer than Shannon - is pretty good too. I wish he hadn't quit, though I tend towards thinking replacing an iconic singer with someone else after death is sort of disrespectful. I've been listening to Katy Perry pretty often too, for some reason. Oh, and I've been listening to Led Zeppelin pretty often too, though I couldn't tell you the song titles if I were held at gunpoint, because the fifteen song CD of their's I have on my iPod was labeled with nonsense words, or completely incorrect titles, and I can't be bothered to go looking through their stuff online. I missed my Bikini Kill and L7 quite a bit, but I haven't gotten around to listening to them yet. It's a pity their songs tend towards being so explicit, I can only download the most pure of tracks as long as I live under my parents' roof.

That's all, for now. Expect a whiny post later about writing camp and how much I don't want to go. Oh, I don't think I ever mentioned that I got in. Yeah. I did. The letter came a while ago.

Last weekend of my eighth grade year.

Enormously thrilling, isn't it? I know nobody cares, but it's terribly liberating to know that next weekend, I won't have to bag a lunch or go to bed on time for school! I'll be free free free! I love summer.

As for my day, it was pretty boring. Saturdays are always low key for me, I like to use them to catch up on sleep and get all of the stress of the week out of my head. I woke about nine, and hung out on the internet waiting for my mother's friend to get out of my house. I don't normally go to all of the trouble of personally hating people, unless I've actually got something to hold against them, but something about this particular friend of her's really grinds my gears or however the saying goes. She's extremely outgoing, which means she contunally intrudes on my privacy, interrogating me about my life and filling me in on every single thing that happens in Cambodia. Yes, she lives there. You'd think it'd be interesting, but it's really not when you've spent the past eight years of your life hearing about it all of the time. I sound like a bad person, but that's honestly how I feel about the matter. When she left, I came downstairs and had some of the coffee she'd left. Apparently, drinking really strong coffee with a lot of creamer in it and not eating anything is not a smart idea, because I was jittery all day. I went upstairs and continued in my fruitless quest for a Love Battery shirt online, and then made myself some lunch around one and watched television for a while.

Later that afternoon, my parents had the grand idea to haul everyone out of the house and take them to see 'Up.' Which is a Pixar thing. It was okay, but it definitely wasn't worth my mother's random sob attacks throughout the film, and the torture of taking my sister in to the bathroom with me and hearing her narrate the whole experience for the benefit of everyone else in the bathroom. Having such a vivacious family makes me want to go all Charles Manson on them every once in a while, but they're better people than I portray them as. We came home, ate and then my brother opened presents. It's his birthday today, he's six now. Six is not a particularly good year for anyone, I don't think, but he'll live through it. I wish him luck, at any rate.

Now I find myself scouring the internet for shirts belonging to anyone I've been in to, as of late. Dead Moon has some cute shirts, but they're all skeletal, and my parents have this thing about that. They already rejected my Bikini Kill shirt because, as it would seem, having the word Kill on a shirt is quite offensive. There are no cheap Letters to Cleo or Veruca Salt shirts in the world, and Screaming Trees has no shirts left on the internet either. I already promised my mother I'd stop buying Nirvana shirts for a while, so that leaves me searching through everything I listen to, all for the sake of ridding myself of money. I think I have an impulsive spending addiction or something, because I cannot keep cash for more than a week.

On a sort of unrelated note, these online stores that tag Blind Melon as emo are insane. They're the furthest thing from that. I think. Why are all of their shirts black, though? I own too many black shirts. I want the Galaxie car one in white with a black logo, not reversed... Ha! I found a white one. And I also found a violet Dinosaur Jr shirt, adorned with an adorable cow. I haven't listened to them in forever, but that cow is enough to make me buy it regardless of band, plus it is only ten dollars and eighty two cents. Sold.

This is ridiculously short. I'll post something soon to make up for it...

I listened to everything from Garbage to Tad today. I also listened to Mudhoney and Love Battery, my ongoing addictions. I listened to a few string tributes, some piano covers, and that's about it. Oh, and rather a lot of Bikini Kill.

Ah, so it's one of 'those' days.

Seems to be. You know, those days when the world is rather insufferable, and everyone in it is wishing for your demise? Goodness, I hate these days. I've been having one. Well, actually, one of those weekends. I may as well jump into my rant before I'm pulled away to clean some other obscure portion of the house that my mother doesn't feel like looking after.

Saturday began with my mother pounding down my door, which I had neglected to unlock, the night before. I was insanely tired, but I don't know why, because I think I went to bed around eleven the night before. She wanted to see Thomas Jefferson's house. That's fine, but it's a three hour drive from where I live, and I feel obligated to tell you that it is not worth it at all. It took me about an hour to get dressed, put my contacts in, and find my shoes, which is about average, and then we were off. Not without the minor complications of my clothing being, as it would seem, unfit for the occasion. What exactly about an old nightgown over jeans is so wrong?! My mother gave it to me, she shouldn't have expected that I wouldn't have worn it. After a little verbal sparring, I went up and changed again. Then we left. We arrived around one, spent some time walking around the grounds in the ninety degree weather. I was really kicking myself for wearing two layers, long sleeves, and black jeans at that point. With all respect to Jefferson, the guy was a serious hypocrite. He thought slavery was wrong, but he had over two hundred slaves working at his farm. He freed less than ten of them in his will. My parents, of course, got sort of angry when I criticized him, because people in wigs who write important documents can do no wrong in their eyes.

When we got home, around nine at night, I fought with my online instant messenging client for a while - I shall not be revealing its name to the world, lest anyone get the crazy idea to use it - gave up and used AIM Express. I'm still using it. It doesn't work at all, it goes down every five seconds, and it doesn't let the user customize fonts or anything. Plus, navigating through the buddy list and such is near impossible once one's got a message open. I don't recommend it, at all. I went to bed around one, since I had a pretty nasty stomach ache. I couldn't sit up, couldn't even breathe, for a while. I got over it by three or so and fell asleep. The night wasn't bad after I got upstairs and sorted things out with the internet. There was a three hour window that I rather enjoyed. I messed around on google, ate stale chips, and listened to my parents' discs from twenty years ago.

This morning, I made the mistake of opening my eyes when my mother came into my room, instead of pretending that I was still comatose. I somewhat dread church, for no particular reason. Once I get there, I'm fine. But it feels like such a sacrifice. I know, that's sort of the idea of religion in general. I'm horrid for thinking this way. But I really do wish it was later in the day, or on another day. Church on Thursday would be grand, for example. The sermon today was about not just taking joy from petty, temporary things, which felt like a personalized guilt trip. That's pretty much my strategy for life. After church, I dragged my parents to a beauty supply store so I could get myself some new dye. Despite numerous warnings on the packaging, I purchased it without getting a degree in... hair doing first. Two bottles were only thirteen dollars! I had enough money to pay, for once. This improved my day a little. I've spent most of the afternoon, so far, fighting with my mother over nothing at all, playing piano, wondering why I have this stomach ache of mine, and messing around on the internet. My favorite pastime, in case you haven't noticed. I have to babysit for my parents' small group tonight. I am not looking forward to it at all, namely because I only get six dollars for the whole mess, since some of the kids stopped attending, and it is the most boring thing in the world. Seriously, I cannot imagine a worse way to spend my Sunday evening. Well, actually, I can, but none of them are particularly reasonable.

Oh, before I forget to mention this, I've stumbled upon a life goal. So far, I don't really have any goals, not concrete ones. But it's never too late to start coming up with these things, right? Before you're dead, at any rate. But, sometime in my life, I feel I simply must see the movie, 'Poison Ivy'. I found the synopsis and some reviews, a couple of days ago. I don't know if it's because I'm suffering from ACC withdrawl or what, but I've found myself in some of the darkest corners of the internet, lately. This morning, I was reading The National Enquirer's website, of all things. I know I cannot believe anything they publish, but, darn it, it's interesting. If Adam really does have a twenty four year old boyfriend, well, I congratulate him, but couldn't he have at least picked someone marginally cute? ...I digress though, of course. It sounds like one of the most unusual movies ever made, people have described it as a 'psychological thriller' and it was made in the nineties, so that pretty much qualifies it as a must - see movie. I'd go and rent it right now, but it's rated R and my parents would flip out if they knew I'd even read the summary. Tragically. Perhaps it's leaked on the internet somewhere, or something. That'll be one life goal completed and out of the way.

Music has been nothing remarkable, lately. I had my iPod on shuffle all day yesterday, which meant quite a lot of Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana. As well as some Pearl Jam. I think I forgot what a tremendous song 'Porch' is. I love Pearl Jam, so please understand that I don't mean to be disrespectful when I say that I think Eddie Vedder's voice used to be better. If you compare 'Alive' or 'Garden' to 'Severed Hand', for example. Eddie does a lot more forced yelling now, and a lot less actual singing. Especially during upbeat songs. It hasn't always been that way, he used to have a more soulful, steady sound. But maybe I'm over analyzing. Obviously, he's still good enough to sell records. Anywho, I was listening to my parents' Marty Casey disc last night and this morning. I've been listening to some Veruca Salt, a little bit of Mindless Self Indulgence, and Screaming Trees too. Sadly, I think my song addiction is over, almost before it started. Few can hope to rival the Bullet With Butterfly Wings obsession of last summer.

I think that's about all. School is going to be terribly boring tomorrow. Stressful, too. Finals and state testing, plus random assessments given to make our quarter totals look better, are working together to kill me. There is only two more weeks of graded work. I have to keep telling myself that.

Weekends are tiring.

Well, not normally, they aren't. But this one certainly is. It's only Sunday, but it feels as though it's been months since Friday afternoon. Of course, at the same time, I don't want the weekend to end, because school is such a pain, at this point. In addition to that, I'm terrified of gym. More afraid than I've ever been of any class, ever. It's silly, but I don't want to bat. See, my gym teacher decided that the best possible unit to finish off the year would be a softball one. This encompasses the whole 'stand in front of people and swing blindly at a tiny white ball coming at you at ten thousand miles an hour' thing. Which I cannot handle. I've managed to get out of it, until now. But there are only so many people in my class, and it seems rather inevitable. So, I shall be mocked and scorned by my classmates, forced to destroy my team's winning streak, and ridiculed by my friends, all of whom somehow, despite the fact that they too haven't any coordination or athletic ability, manage to hit the ball. Oh well. Anywho, I'm getting quite distracted. This weekend hasn't been torment or anything, though I suspect that I'll be quite glad by the end of it. My grandparents are acting the way they always do. 'Cept for, I forgot what a sharp, almost hostile sense of humor my grandfather has. Sarcastic, mocking, that sort of thing. Not wildly different than mine, I suppose, but I am a hypocrite. He also has a habit of cursing constantly, even around my sister and brother, which, while amusing and mostly harmless, is getting my mother all wound up. My grandmother is almost frighteningly complimentary, and insisted upon listening to Alice in Chains and Bella Morte off of my iPod yesterday, which turned out being sort of uncomfortable for everyone.

I sound so negative, and horrid. I love them, I guess, but I hardly see them, and when I do, it's not as though I'm going to pour out my soul to them or anything. There are some perks to having them here, perks that are almost totally unrelated to the actual people. Once again, I sound horrible, but oh well. Yesterday, after being dragged down a path through Great Falls National Park (something like that, I think it was called? Yeah, I'm stalker friendly.) where there were snakes, and worms, and animal carcasses, and all sorts of other unpleasent things, my parents took me to a thrift store. At long last. I have been waiting to go into one of these things and see what they are for a very, very long time. I was shocked, elated, at the low prices. Most of the garments there weren't really up my alley - they were better suited to middle aged men, which, admittedly, isn't all that far away from my style, but they weren't nice looking middle aged men clothes - but I found this gigantic blue button down shirt, that suited me well enough, for four dollars. For four dollars, I'll buy almost anything. My parents didn't seem to be in complete approval of it, but it was my money, and they had no choice. The people at thrift stores, at least, that one, turn out to be far nicer than the people at regular clothing stores. The woman at the counter actually started a conversation with me - yes, it was about my hair dye, which is getting really old, I don't even have all that much in there - which I haven't had since I lived in Washington. People are not generally all that friendly around here. You're probably wondering, at this point, what this could possibly have to do with my grandparents. The only reason I convinced my mother to take me in there was because my grandmother was already inside. She's a snob of sorts, she doesn't like going inside these places. She doesn't even like me buying things off of eBay, which I think is sort of dumb. Of course, I'm an obsessive bargain hunter, so...

We went to the air and space museum later that afternoon. Which was boring. I entertained myself by trying to make my phone get reception, and failing, and watching this rather senile old guy talk to himself by one of the planes. There were some Nazi fighters there, which proved rather interesting, more so than everything else. How is it that their symbol, just a simple formation of lines can be so notorious? It almost sort of scares me to look at it, which I don't think is all that uncommon. Upon arriving home, I hung out on the Internet for a while, mostly on Youtube, since my other major internet addiction was forced away from me, and tried to avoid more social interactions of the most awkward kind. Well, perhaps not most awkward, but pretty darn uneasy. Talking to people with such an age gap, and a life gap, is sort of difficult for me. Then again, I have issues talking to some people my own age, so it could quite possibly be my fault. I tried practicing piano, but it's really not working out for me. I have two days to perfect those measures, but Karma Police is impossible. My grandfather is insanely good at piano, and he laughed at how low the notes on the treble clef were written, tried his hand at it for a couple of minutes, and then wished me good luck. The other song, Sonatina or something like that, isn't horribly bad, but I've been neglecting it, I need to do some work if I'm going to get both of my hands working together by Tuesday. Maybe I'll contract a life threatening illness. That'll get me out of gym and piano. Goodness, I just realized how intensely stressful Tuesday is going to be. Oh well. I'll have to try not to think of it, and savor the last day of my life before things I do not want to do and cannot do invade. Oh, how I long for the enclosed mental shelter of homeschool.

I'm hanging around the house, not doing much of anything today. I need to recover from all of the touristy nonsense I did yesterday, I suppose. Tomorrow, we're going into Washington DC and doing some museum sorts of things. If my mother follows up on her offer earlier, I will get to visit the Hard Rock Cafe there. I've been to the Maui, Baltimore, San Francisco, and Myrtle Beach ones so far. They never fail to completely thrill me. There's nothing I like more than musical icons and their stuff. If I get any decent pictures, perhaps I'll put them up on here.

Oh! I almost forgot to post my fourth quarter interim grades, mostly for my own remembering purposes. Here we go...

English - A (95 percent)
French - A (97 percent)
Science - B+ (92 percent)
Algebra - C+ (80 percent)
Civics - A (96 percent)
Gym - A (100 percent)
Teen Living - B+ (90 percent)

I know, it's quite pathetic that my Teen Living grade is lower than everything but algebra. I've been told now by about twenty people.


As for music, I've been listening to some... guilty pleasure stuff, I guess one could say. Singers that are frowned upon by most everyone with decent musical taste, or who knows anything about music. Singers who resort to working for the Disney franchise. Okay, fine, I'll come out and say it, I was listening to Miley Cyrus last night. Start All Over has really well done harmonies in it. Kudos to whoever wrote the music for the song, which I am completely certain is not Cyrus herself. I also had on some Spice Girls, Puddle of Mudd, and, later, Smashing Pumpkins. So, it was an all over horrible musical night, with the exception of the last band. If only I could return to one of my former phases, where there was at least some dignity in liking the music I liked. I've brought myself out of it, a little bit, by listening to Love Battery, Nirvana, and Incubus today. I have the feeling that it'll get worse later today. I tend to lose self control and search things that I'd never search - such as Miley Cyrus, for example - if I were fully operational, later at night.

That's it. This entry was sort of short, but oh well. I need to go downstairs and stop neglecting my relatives.

School needs to end.

Seriously. It's pulling me down into the melodramatic little depression I had at the beginning of the year; only this time, I cannot skip school once every two weeks to help myself recover. Finals, state testing, and reviews in all classes. Even the civics one is beginning to seem a little intense, and that's my best subject by far. On top of the chaos that comes with finishing out the year in traditional Northern VA style, everything has just felt really stressful lately. Even little things, that shouldn't bother me. I've been a rather neurotic bundle of nerves, as of late, and the only cure is a two month block of time without any interruptions to my peace and quiet. Normally, that'd be summer. Which happens in almost exactly a month. But, it would be far too easy and convienient for my summer to actually provide this time. Instead, I shall be dragged to the far corners of the earth - well, technically, New York, but they're practically synonyms - to visit every family member in existence. If my mother's wishes become truth, and I am good enough of a writer to make it into the ten day long summer program that she signed me up for, that will kill some of my time too. Sounds like there will be only minimal time for staying up 'til four, sleeping in 'til twelve. Which is a pity, because that happens to be my life style of choice.

Ha, so that was my whiny ramble. Well, one of them. I almost forgot to rant about my english project. I don't know if I mentioned my mixed feelings about the assignment before this, but I'm sure I did say something about it. The man I'm researching is Josef Mengele, and he's not a very nice person. He's the opposite of one, really. So far, in my research, I have found that he killed over 400,000 Jews, gypsies, and other minorities. He also performed lethal experiments on infants, and toddlers, often going through surgery on their vital organs and completely extremely painful procedures while they were fully concious. He was, probably, one of the most screwed up people ever to live. I got to learn the gory details of all of his experiments, and see graphic images that belonged in an R rated movie, all for the sake of getting an A. My parents found out what I had to learn, after I complained passively about it to them, and now they want to send my english teacher a letter telling her to give me a new assignment. I don't mean to get all internet - acronymy - on you, but WTF? The whole thing has been nothing but trouble. At first, I was thrilled that the assignment wouldn't be dull. Oh, it's been anything but dull. But it hasn't been very good either. That brought my week down quite a bit, along with the additional stresses and frustrations of life.

In other news, more cheery news, certainly, the Bella Morte concert was on Friday, and I still smile and have an inward 'squee' moment just thinking about it. My father took me. We left around seven, drove the half of an hour or so it took to get to Jaxx Nightclub, where it took place, and cautiously entered with the waves of - as predicted by my mother, who has an annoying habit of being at least partially right about everything - goth people. Who sort of intimidated me at first, I won't lie. The inside of the place was rather dark, covered with stickers and posters and such, and very, very loud. My father is convinced he's gone deaf now. We waited through three bands, two of whom were pretty awful, and one of whom was halfway decent, but more screaming / metal than my style. Which is odd, since the club seemed more gravitated towards electronic music. My father and I hung out around this unused bar in the corner with some people who looked considerably closer to his age than mine, and were smoking weed the whole time, until the opening bands were done playing. We bought a t shirt from this little stand that was selling them, and it turned out the singer was selling them, and I didn't even know it was him. Yes, this is sad. But he had a haircut since I last saw a picture of him, so I didn't quite recongize him. He acted like... a regular person. Which was cool. I wish I could have asked him to autograph the shirt or something, though. Around eleven, Bella Morte finally came out, so we moved down to the floor in front of the stage. The crowd was tiny; there were probably less than one hundred people there, which I really do not understand. First of all, this band is incredible. They have everything a band should have, and they put on an unforgettable show. Yes, that sounds cliched and stupid, but I cannot help fangirling a little. Andy, the lead singer, was so energetic for that time of the night, it was insane. He'd apparently been drinking Red Bulls backstage for the past hour, and proceeded to drink two more during the show. He was dancing all over the place, flinging the microphone stand up into the air and leaning up on the metal rails that seperated the band from the crowd, interacting with a lot of people. The highlight of the whole thing was definitely the second he got all of six inches away from my face, put his hand of my shoulder (for like, five whole seconds!) and sang right to me. Sure, he did that with a couple of other people, but I felt loved anywho. They played most of my favorite songs. No Burn The Sky, which is my absolute favorite. But they played Find Forever Gone, An Enemy Without, On The Edge, Dust, and several others. The set was actually moderately short - only eleven or twelve songs, which is a pity. Is that short? I'm not sure. The Smashing Pumpkins set - that's the only other concert I've ever been to - was really long, around twenty songs including two encores. Ah, well. When it was over, I was in this state of insane giddiness brought on by anticipation, exhustion, and an overload of sudden elation. My father probably wanted to kill me by the time I got home, since I refused to quit talking. We got home around one, and I hung out on the internet for a few minutes, then went to bed. I was quite drowsy, smelled like cigerettes, and felt wonderful.

So, those are my rambles for today. Tomorrow, school starts again, and everything shall get more hectic. I have a science standardized test in the morning, and I'm a little bit nervous about that, but I'm sure I'll make it through. Today, nothing worth mentioning really happened. I stayed home from church because my father's ears weren't in good enough shape, or some nonsense like that. This afternoon, I spent the sixty some dollars I'd obtained from various babysitting jobs, on shirts. Off of Amazon, since everything else was so pricey, and Hot Topic keeps refusing to sell band tee shirts that are both affordable and feature a band that I actually listen to. I got a Nirvana one, a Mudhoney one, and an Alice in Chains one. They ought to be here in a couple of days; I'll obsess over them 'til they arrive. I always do that to myself when buying things online, which I do pretty frequently. I have some disorder that makes it impossible for me to save my money, I think. I always spend it within a day or two of getting it on something I don't exactly need, but want quite a lot.

Music this past week has been a pretty mixed bag. If I had to summarize it with one sentence, I'd say it's been louder and more angsty than some of the stuff I've previously had on. Some Smashing Pumpkins, Bella Morte, Alice in Chains, Mudhoney, that kind of thing. I've been trying out some of the lesser known grunge bands, as of late. Tad, Screaming Trees, Love Battery... they're almost better than the mainstream. And, of course, I've been loving my Nirvana. Every time I even begin to doubt my adoration for them, something happens and I'm hooked again. Scentless Apprentice is one of the best songs ever. As is Papercuts. And Radio Friendly Unit Shifter. They're all among the best, really. People who call Nirvana overrated are insane; they deserve every bit of cred they get. Oh, and before I forget to mention this and go off on some irrelvant rant about how much I love Nirvana, which I was sort of doing already, Mark Arm is mine. For real. I claim ownership.

That's all.

I'm a bad blogger.

I say this because it has been at least four days, and all sorts of things have been going on in my life, and I haven't said anything about any of them. But that's okay. I'll make up for it by rambling a while. Wednesday was my last day of youth group. It was sort of boring, rather low key. I hung out with my friends and wandered the church aimlessly. I cannot remember anything else in particular happening that day, with the exception of my english teacher visibly losing her mind in front of my class. She was all giggly and giddy at the beginning of class, laughing over nothing and making these jokes that seemed inspired by something decidedly chemical, then randomly gave us our largest project of the year, to date. It was meant to teach us something about research before we went off into the wide world of highschool, but I don't know that it'll be very educational, if it is anything like the other projects we've had. It will also not interest me at all. She started off by calling it a 'basic research project', so I had no objections to this. I thought I might learn a little something about the life of David Bowie, if that was possible. But then she killed the project by assigning me some World War II general who's name I cannot even pronounce, and probably is not even on the more interesting side. The Nazis, that is. I am quite fascinated with the Nazi belief system and Hitler, which makes no sense, since I am, apparently, Jewish and would have been imprisoned and killed during that time. Something about them is quite interesting to me. But, alas, I did not get assigned Hitler. So I have to learn some facts about Josef whatever his name is, now. As I was saying, before I went off on my little rant about ...the war, I guess? My english teacher suddenly became quite angry for no particular reason, and started ranting and marching around the classroom in her usual manner. At least she'd returned to normal at this point. She then told us, despite the fact that no one had moved a muscle during the entire class period, that we were doing our note cards all wrong. They were, she insisted, called note cards because they were intended for taking notes, not copying down information. Can't argue that logic.

Thursday, I did nothing of substance. My sister and mother had to go to gymnastics, so my father took me, and my brothers out for dinner. Which was nice. Made nicer by the fact that he told us that he'll be taking me and my brother somewhere this summer. Anywhere we want, as long as it is an easy drive away from here. I, personally, would really like to go to New Jersey. My brother wants to go to New York or something.

Friday, which was yesterday, wasn't a terribly good day. School was boring. My friend broke his wrist, I failed a french test, which normally would have really stressed me out, but I've done quite well on the other tests we've had, as of late, so I didn't mind. I got screamed at by a school administrator for throwing something away in what proved to be the wrong garbage can. Silly me. People continued to state that I had blue hair, in gym and teen living, as though it were a new idea, and certainly not something I was aware of. I couldn't wait for the week to be over, which is sort of unusual for me, as of late. Upon arriving home, I found my parents to be gone, which meant I had to go and get my brother from the bus stop, a walk that takes about twenty minutes, and involves passing by all sorts of very noisy dogs. Oh well. I needed the exercise, I probably do not get enough. I spent the afternoon playing piano, wasting time on the internet, and wondering if I ought to be cleaning my room. I need to do so today, it's probably what I shall do as soon as I finish this. I went to bed extremely early for me, around eleven. Fridays are normally my latest nights.

Today's been boring, so far. But it's only four in the afternoon. I woke around ten, went to my neighbor's home so they could introduce me to their children and prepare me for my babysitting job on Monday, and hung out around the house, played some piano. Much to my disappointment, my new song book hasn't anything worth playing, certainly not anything that I listen to in my free time. But I am teaching myself how to play Lithium, using a guitar book that I had from the days when I consistently played guitar... something I really ought to keep doing. The notes are a little more challenging than anything else I've been playing, and some of them must be altered so they sound better on piano, but that's nothing I can't work with. I also ordered a new cell phone, since my old one is three years old, has a habit of losing charge for no reason whatsoever (it and my laptop should start a club) and is quite a bother to use. I'm babysitting for my parents tonight. That kills the best hours of the evening, but at least it'll make up for all of the money I've lost, recently. I don't think saving up cash is physically possible for me.

I've listened to a wide variety of things this week. I seem to be floating in between phases, sort of. There's the folk / classical / new age / God knows what that Pandora Radio got me hooked on, and then there's the Vitamin String Quartet, who is one of my most infuriating obsessions, since you cannot find their full length songs free, anywhere online. I might have to go and buy them all off of iTunes. I am also in a little bit of a Nirvana phase, still. I have moved on from Nevermind songs to Bleach songs, for the most part. I never really liked Bleach quite as much as the newer stuff. I suppose they were still sorting things out, changing band members, developing a specific sound, then, but the music from that album is still astonishingly great. It's very underrated. If those phases were not enough, I still frequently, almost addictively, listen to the same two industrial bands that have been my obsession for months, now. But, I think the most dominant phase at the moment would have to be VSQ. I cannot get over how unique, and interesting they are. Who else would have thought to cover the Toadies with violins and violas?! The only thing I want that I have not heard them do would be Mudhoney. If they can do a decent Mudhoney rendition, I'll be a fan for life.

That's it, I suppose. I'd better quit putting off the inevitable and get off my computer.

Here it goes again.

End of the weekend. Today was exhusting. I overslept 'til about eight thirty, since my alarm no longer wakes me. Apparently, the piercing screech of a repeated buzzer fails to register in my head as something worth getting up for. I dressed and went to church. It was pretty fun, more so than usual today. My friend and I spent a good deal of the time trying to hook another friend up with the guy she likes, and failing at it. I think the youth leaders were rather agitated at us by the end of the service, unfortunately, since we continually talked through most of it. I make up for my soft - spokeness during most of the week by babbling on about nothing whenever I'm with people who I know a little better, I've found. After church, I did about an hour and a half of algebra, which was one of the less enjoyable ways to ease me back into the school week, and did some minor english, french and science homework. Teachers are still continuing to load me up every single day; the weekend is no longer an exception. I think they're afraid of finals. If students fail, teachers get in trouble.

This afternoon was spent on the Internet, engaging myself in all sorts of unusual conversations with friends, and tidying up my room. My bed is neatly made for the night now, so I don't have to go to the trouble of fixing it before I sleep, like I usually do! I love cleaning my room, for reasons that I will not even try to explain or describe to the general public. There's something very fulfilling about it, that makes me feel ready for anything, and safe at the same time. Thus why I go to the pains of cleaning it every weekend. That's the best I can do, if you're wondering. For explaining, I mean. I was meant to do some other cleaning, but I hid in my room as long as possible to avoid it. I'm rather good at that.

I babysat for my parents' small group and earned myself two and a half more hours of service learning this evening. I don't really mind the job all that much, my sister and brother tend to be more difficult than anyone else in attendance, but I can't say I won't be grateful for summer and the lack of small group that it brings with it. Giving up two hours on a Sunday night is no fun. I got some piano practice in before group, and ended up skipping dinner because of this. Fortunately, I am generally more motivated by boredom or stress to eat than actual hunger, so I was fine with the cookies somebody left out on the counter later. I left my electric guitar, which I usually don't like playing unless I can plug it in, in the basement, so I was able to play around with it, unplugged, for an hour or so tonight. My fingers are really sore now, but it was worth it to get some practice in. I'm irritated with myself for forgetting Stairway to Heaven and just about everything else I learned. I played Bodies quite a few times, and changed the chords around so that it sounded better, which was sort of fun.

I am not sure how I feel about returning to school tomorrow. It seems that there is always something to worry about, always new stress, but life might get monotonous without school too. I'm most anxious about teen living and algebra for valid reasons, and gym for completely stupid ones. I'm not looking forward to every single person I know asking if I've gone emo, but then again, half of my friends seem to think I am anyways, so they might not bother. Gah. I'm coming across as sort of whiny tonight. It's bothersome. I'm actually in a decent mood. As for the positive side of returning, I get to see some of the people who I haven't gotten a chance to talk with for a few days, and it will be a rather relaxed day that will allow me to enjoy my normal routine, something I love, but rarely get to keep. The dentist kept getting in my way, for a while.

I listened to a little bit of everything today. Atreyu, Bella Morte, Nirvana, and the Smashing Pumpkins, mostly. Some Birthday Massacre, but less than in previous days. My phase could potentially be over. Some Blind Melon too. That's who I'm listening to right now. Sleepyhouse still makes me want to give Shannon Hoon a hug and tell him to feel better, and stop taking drugs. It's quite sad, but beautiful. I had on some Mudhoney earlier. This Gift stuck in my head for days on end, then I gave in and listened to it, now I'm sort of halfway addicted. But, more than anything, I think I was listening to piano and string covers of Nirvana today. There are a few people who do a really amazing job with them, and the melodies transfer to other instruments quite well. I think they're what inspired me to start piano again...

That's it. Tomorrow begins another week.

I'm black and blue.

Not bruised. Ha. My hair is now dyed! Has been since about two this afternoon. It's mostly inky, blue - black, with strips of blue in the front. A little less than shoulder length. It seems pretty low matainance, which is ideal for me. I hate working with my hair, hate hair in general. It's so astronomically pointless, and causes nothing but drama. However, I am happy with it today. The job took about two or three hours total, mostly due to the fact that portions of my hair had to be bleached first, then that had to dry, then more dye had to be put on, then I had to sit and wait for a while, and then it had to be washed and cut and straightened. Took quite a long time, but it was worth it. I had to pay eighty dollars, but I had all of the cash I needed, after selling my darling old iPod, and even had about twenty left over. I intend to waste this on song downloads, since I have nothing worth saving for. Technically, I could be saving to buy a new phone, but I don't want to bother right now. My parents might actually pay completely for something for once and let me spend my money impulsively as is proper for my age. But only if I convince them that my safety is compromised without it.

That was an unusual little ramble. But, anyways, I woke around nine today, and spent the morning on the Internet, showering, and searching for my eyeliner sharpener, since I'm awfully bored of not wearing it. We left for the mall around eleven, and I spent quite a while there, due to my appointment. We picked up Vietnamese food on the way home, and then my parents left for a date, so I babysat again. Thus the extra money I had. Most of it went towards library fees, but I was able to keep some. My sister and brother behaved seamlessly, with the exception of my sister's melodramatic fit when they had to stop watching that cartoon about the speaking dinosaurs and go to bed. I don't see why the show is so terribly engaging to her. It didn't hold my attention for very long. Oh, note to any readers out there along with myself: never ever mix diet pepsi with caramel and mint ice cream. It's the worst taste in the world, and drinking a whole cup of it will probably kill you. I really need to stop stealing food from around my house when my parents are out; it doesn't pay. There are literally no benefits.

I practiced piano today, and I managed to get a little bit of cleaning done, but aside from that, I did almost nothing worth mentioning in the areas of being responsible and such today. There's not very much I can say about it, but it was quite chaotic. I'm tired now, yet oddly very lucid. I want to go outside, and walk down the road in the darkness, singing to myself. But that's probably a byproduct of me being exhusted, and confused, and dellusional. I'd better get some sleep before it grows any worse, and I actually put this plan into action.

As for music... I listened to quite a lot of Bella Morte and the Birthday Massacre today. Some Nirvana, and a few stringed covers of Nirvana. I had a phase concerning those, a while ago. I hope it doesn't return, since it was awfully inconvienient. A little bit of Letters to Cleo, and some Atreyu. Pretty much everything I've been phasing over for the past month or so. I need to find some new music, something new. Not new, specificially, new to me. Older music is far better, I've found. Well, I found that out about two years ago, but still. It is. Trust me. Speaking of such, I was listening to some eighties dance pop today too, by way of the radio, and I actually sort of... like it. It's all so cheesy, and almost every song sounds exactly the same, but it's going to become a guilty pleasure phase, I can sense it. Oh well. I've been through literally everything else.

That's all. It's short, because I'm tired.

The weekend has left me again.

Weekends are actually sort of nice, come to think of it. Why on earth was I wishing mine away on Saturday morning? Tomorrow is going to start another five exhusting days. But I can't say I mind school anymore. I mean, I used to hate it in the beginning of the year. Now I sort of like some of my classes. Others are still torment, like algebra. And Teen Living. I forgot to practice with my mother's sewing machine this weekend, so I still don't know how to thread a needle. On Monday, I have to start over with learning, and start on a new pin cushion, since my old one is about as messy as can be right now. Being an extremely finicky, mildly perfectionistic person, I cannot stand to turn it in. Also, I'm going to fail the class if I keep on making work like that. But this post is about Saturday and today, so I'm going to stop babbling about school now.

Saturday was a pretty busy day. The morning was relaxed; I slept 'til about eight thirty. Yes, that's abnormally early for me. I woke up with a vividly clear image of gigantic slugs in metal tubes crawling all over me, and every time I shut my eyes that's all I could see. I still get toddler nightmares sometimes, it's very odd. I sprung the idea of my parents going on a date that night on them as soon as they woke up, and they were all for it. Which resulted in me watching a series of really boring children's movies, having to give my brother a bath, which is the single most awkward task in history, and raking in twenty dollars. This made all of it totally worth while. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I spent most of the morning cleaning my room and hanging around on the Internet. I spent too much time on the computer, it's a fact. I'm going to lose my social skills and ability to see beyond two feet of me if this keeps up. Oh well. I can't help it. My life revolves around computer usage and people living several states away.

Saturday afternoon, I went to my sister's gymnastics meet with my family. The whole thing was a little bit pointless, since they all got ribbons and did not actually compete against each other in any way at all, but it was fun to watch, and she was overjoyed about getting something. My parents think she's some sort of gymnastics super - child, and they keep pushing for her to do more and more. They recently moved her to a new gym because they thought the other one wasn't challenging. I think they're beginning to become true Northern VA parents - pushy, egocentric, and living life vicariously through their children. Which saddens me, but at least they appear to have no expectations whatsoever for me. Anyways. I keep ranting about other things today. I might have to label this post as whiny if this keeps up. We arrived home around five, and I spent the rest of the night babysitting and wasting time until I went to bed around one. I didn't write anything. I apparently owe the world another 'mature content' chapter on this story I'm writing though, so maybe I'll be forced into writing tonight.

Today was a less eventful Sunday. I woke around eight, after being forced out of a rather nice dream. Nothing like the one yesterday. I went to church, which would have been sort of boring 'cept for that I got to hang out with my friends, and drink a cappaccino. It was the first time I've ever had one, and I'd like to inform any and all readers that they are the best things ever, and I intend to drink them whenever I am given a chance. After that, we went home, and I did homework for a while. My english teacher must be trying to kill me, because I can't think of any other reason why she'd assign so much directionless homework over the weekend when the year is nearly over and my mind is meant to be numb and useless. I tidied up my room and did some chores in return for sixteen dollars more. I'm almost halfway to having enough, I think. I want to go to a hair... place by next weekend. Which is a rather unreasonable goal, but oh well. I babysat my sister and brother, as well as this other little girl who comes along with her parents to the church small group at my house every weekend, free of charge, mostly due to feeling too lazy to ask for money.

So, tomorrow's school again. I'm not looking forward to almost anything there, but I'll live. After school, I'm getting sealents or whatever they're called on my teeth; I'm missing a few of them still. The bright side of all of this would be that I get to read trashy celebrity magazines, which my mother has an almost obsessive hate for, in the waiting room. They give me a strange rush of joy, for some reason.

I listened to a really wide variety of stuff today. Everything from Atreyu and Slipknot, which are starting to form a phase of sorts, all by themselves, to some Smashing Pumpkins. I also listened to Blind Melon, Sponge, Eve 6, Jane Wiedlin, The Birthday Massacre... all kinds of things. Even Pearl Jam, who I haven't heard in forever. I'm in the mood for far noisier music, as of late. It's odd. I wanted to download some stuff, but I have to save, so I cannot. Sadly. I think that's all I have to say regarding what I listened to, today. It's pretty boring, and not as obsessive as usual. There's only about twenty days 'til the concert!