No recess.

At my school. There is none. I haven't had recess since fifth grade, it's sad. And even then, I spent most of my days inside, reading books or watching my teacher's rabbits or whatever it is I did to amuse myself. Anyway. School has been going all right so far. All of the hype about high school being radically different from middle school? Yeah, it's stupid. Sometimes, I find myself walking through the halls or sitting in class forgetting that I've ever left my middle school. I've met a few people already; haven't had much chance to hang out with those that I used to know. Most of my school friends are in totally different classes than me. Or went to the other high school, which is unfortunate. I don't have all that much trouble making friends, but I don't like it. I'm very withdrawn when I don't already know people. Fortunately, if people are outgoing to talk to me first - and not annoying - I generally don't have too much trouble befriending them. I don't need to be all that social right now anyway. When I'm at school, I'm usually almost completely focused on figuring out where I'm going or what I'm doing. I have this thing about not upsetting new teachers, particularly those who teach subjects that I try to get decent grades in.

I'd say the hardest thing for me has been finding my way around. I don't consider myself too good to walk up to random seniors with my crinkled up, highlighted to death map and ask where I am, which means I haven't been late because none of them directed me the wrong way. And all of them were willing to help me. So far, high school isn't nearly as petrifying or fatality inducing as it's meant to be in movies and books and such. While it was somewhat intimidating to be walking the halls with people who look more like adults than teenagers, for about two periods, I got over it faster than I thought I would. Getting lost is the only real problem. My journalism classroom likes to make itself impossible for me to find. Today, however, I found it without asking anyone where to go. Which made me happy. I even got there safely before the bell rang. All of my other classes are pretty easy to find, since I have a map and they're not really out of the way too much.

Oh, and my schedule would be...

English - all days.
History - all days.
Journalism - 'a' days.
Geometry - 'b' days.
French II - 'a' days.
Biology - 'b' days.
Gym - all days.

They're not actually called 'a' and 'b' days, but if I told you what they were called, you'd be able to figure out school I go to, and I don't think I actually want that on the internet, even though almost no one reads this.

In other news, my piano lesson yesterday wasn't so great. My practice was a little bit messed up because I was gone half of the time, and my work ethic was really lacking during the time that I was home. My piano teacher said I did very well on Prelude though, luckily for me, especially when she found out I was having my lesson on my first day of school. (At this point, I should explain that I thought it a smart plan to stay up until past two writing and reading... fanfiction the night before. And then I got up at five. Before this, I was kept awake by power outages, stress, and too many blankets. So I was dead tired by the time I got home.) She taught me the epic part of the song, the part where left and right hands take turns playing on the same staff and the sixteenth notes look all pretty and advanced and I get confused. I'm also playing, 'Jester', but I'm not thrilled about it because it has chords, which I hate playing on the piano. If I don't adore the melody of a song, chances are, I won't learn it too well. I learned Prelude fast, compared to my other songs, and that's 'cause I loved it. Well, I'm still learning it. And I still love it. But I'm not totally proficient at most of it, yet. I'm still sort of addicted to playing 'The Devil' by Tears for Fears. And singing, but very softly, because I don't have much of a voice.

Well, to update this post, it's now Sunday night and I just realized that I got too lazy to bother hitting Publish and so now I've lived more and haven't told the world.

Music this week has been The Go! Team and a little bit of Hinder and quite a bit of Elastica and Green River and L7 and Devo, so much Devo, I want to marry all of Devo, Duran Duran and Tears for Fears, Spice Girls. I rediscovered my devout adoration for Love Battery this weekend - they really are so good, I can't stand it, most of the time. The Distillers, because 'Love Is Paranoid' is still my obsession. Some of their other stuff, but mostly that. Veruca Salt, Sleater Kinney, the Toadies, Moist. Lots and lots of Smashing Pumpkins. Is it just me or are they quite the fall band? Especially Adore and Mellon Collie. Dark, hazy songs with thickening layers of gray that you just kind of sink into, and keep going until you can't see. Chilling drum sounds, that sound all hollow and echoy. Angst without all the melodrama, in a subtle, dreamy way like something's been lost but it can't be found so no one bothers looking. That sort of thing.

I need to go to sleep and stop rambling about things. Bad enough that I wrote nearly three thousand word... description about someone who doesn't even belong to me tonight.

I am quite exhusted.

It seems that the world at large has decided to use me as a temporary punching bag. Time for a melodramatic sigh. Tuesday morning didn't exactly start out easy, since the weather was about ninety degrees, but it was pouring rain. The air was so humid, I could barely breathe, and it made my hair do this most unusual curling thing. This post is going to be full of whine, just so you know in advance. When I got to school, I was already exhusted and in a less than wonderful mood, as I had gotten all of four hours of sleep the night before. Sleeping simply isn't appealing when it's ten thousand degrees inside, and thunder keeps jolting one awake, hour after hour. Isn't early summer grand? Anywho, the school's air conditioner had chosen the best day to break, the one where we actually needed it, and nobody felt like doing anything about this, so we all suffocated through the day. My school day wasn't terrible, other than that. The rain prevented us from going out of doors in gym, so I sat through forty five minutes of 'Patriot Ball' and listened to my friends ramble on about anime and such. It was rather entertaining, even though I never have any idea what they're talking about. And then I went to teen living, where I was met with the usual sprinkling of snubs, thinly veiled insults, and sarcastic comments. That particular set of friends is going to make me lose it, by the end of the school year. I can only be grateful that none of them are going to high school with me next year.

The earlier portion of the day was pretty boring, routine, that sort of thing. French class was a drag because I got paired up with the sorts of people who go, 'you're smart, you can look up words, right?' and then go off among themselves and leave one to do all of the work for a project alone. I didn't feel like failing anything in that class, at this point, as I need my A to bring up my french grade for the year, so I did what they wanted and tried to conceal my irritation at being tagged as the 'smart kid' again, despite my difficulties with the class. Do I really look like that much of a geek or whatever qualifies me to be the smart one? Or is it merely my incredible work ethic? No idea. English and science were pointless, algebra gave me a chance to have my daily panic attack, and civics was delightful - we got to watch a movie called Twelve Angry Men. Most everyone was mocking it, but I thought it was rather interesting. That seems to be the case with me and civics quite a lot.

Upon arriving home, I had my piano lesson. It wasn't nearly so catastrophic as I feared it'd be, but I was really out of it, and my piano teacher could tell. She was sympathetic about my trouble with Karma Police, and agreed that playing the chords along with the bassline sounded far better. However, Sonatina was a moderately easy song that I was simply too lazy to get anywhere with, so I think she's punishing me by giving me thirty measures to have perfected by next week. I wanted to protest, but I figured I'd gotten myself into this mess, I'd have to go ahead and get myself out by doing it. I'm going to have to make an honest effort in practicing for a while, every single day, since I have a lot to work on now. I cannot believe I thought jumping back into piano would be so seamless and easy. It was, at first, I suppose, but not anymore. My teacher figured out how much I'd retained, I guess, and decided to push me a little harder than she was initially going to. I am only thankful that she's not making me bother with that theory nonsense that accompanied my piano lessons, last time. I already know about chords, and time signatures, and - mostly - how to read notes, so I suppose it's not really necessary.

Today, I stayed home sick from school. It wasn't that I was sick, exactly, I was just so tired and worn out. Life has been going far too fast for my liking, as of late, and it feels that it only continues to accellerate, people demanding more and more. I can hardly relax. I have free time, but I'm always stressed, and I feel as though I'm doing something wrong if I'm not doing something productive. I'm always awake when I should be tired; extremely drowsy when I should be awake. I'm hungry when I've just eaten, and don't want to eat when I'm supposed to. But I sound awfully dramatic. It'll all be over soon, in less than a month now. June eighteen is my last day of school. I am really, really looking forward to it.

I've listened to quite a few things, in the past days. Mostly Garbage, The Dollyrots, The Donnas, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Letters to Cleo, that sort of thing. But, yesterday, I was listening to some of Nirvana's earlier stuff, and then there's the odd little Spice Girls phase I've been going through. I also am still loving Mudhoney, Screaming Trees and Love Battery. Oh, and Pearl Jam. It's odd, I had quite the obsession with them, earlier this year, then I went several months without listening to them, at all. I feel I'm forgetting something, I know I've been listening to more than I remember. Oh, I was listening to my father's keyboard music, some stuff he recorded when I was little. I envy his ability to play the piano, even if he cannot read notes at all. I was also listening to Britney Spears, yesterday. Gimme More is such an addicting song.

Oh, just so you know, my new blogger icon is me. As opposed to someone or something else. It's taken from the back, so I'm not quite as stalker friendly as I could be. But I just proved myself wrong, from some comment I made about not being stupid a couple of posts ago. Oh, well.

That's all, I know, this was pathetically short. I'm too sleepy and hungry to care.

The end is near, but I'm busy as ever.

Referring to school, of course. It's as though all of my teachers woke up one morning - the beginning of fourth quarter, to be exact - and thought, "Darn, we've got to get these kids to a place where their grades actually matter in two months. Maybe we ought to start teaching them something." Not that I've been slacking off all year. Trust me, in most classes, I haven't. But things are getting far more intense. I have homework in every subject almost every day, and I actually have to study for assessments in English, of all subjects. The easiest class under the sun. french has been particularly impossible, I'm sort of worried about all of the major stuff we've got coming up. We learned all of these irregular adjectives today, and it made my head spin. I don't know what I'm going to do. But I've actually been handling it pretty well. I got a ninety three, ninety four, and one hundred on the last three tests and quizzes. I'm aiming to get a B+ this quarter, to make up for my grade last quarter. This class actually matters, since it's a high school level thing. I don't want a C+ on my permanent GPA or whatever. But I need to stop rambling about grades so much.


School was boring today. In Teen Living, I progressed quite a bit on my pin cushion, which I didn't expect. My friends think I'm a complete idiot with no sewing skills, but it seems to amuse them quite a bit, and they do half of it for me, so I don't mind at all. In gym, we stayed inside to play the odd school hybrid of kickball and baseball, titled 'Patriot Ball' for no logical reason whatsoever. It's a pretty fun game though, since there's almost no participation required. Math confused me. I think I failed the quiz we took today. I didn't know what I was doing, and I was quite tense through the whole thing, which made matters even worse. On the bright side, I did really well on the civics test, and I'm expecting my grade in there to slide up from a B+ to an A. Which is what it ought to be, since civics is the only class I can handle, these days. As for science, I didn't too well on the quiz today, and I sort of needed to, but if I study harder next time, I'll be fine. Due to a disagreement with my father while we were studying, I didn't work very hard or long. Science is one of those classes that I can do well at if I try, which I only do about half of the time, so I don't do that well.


After school, I raced to do a ton of homework, which I didn't finish 'til ten tonight, ate a quick dinner and then went to church for my second to last week of youth group. We're transitioning to the high school program soon. I'm sort of anxious... older people make me uneasy when I encounter them, despite the fact that I converse and argue with people far older than me on a regular basis on the Internet. I suppose it'll be better to get used to it gradually. I watched American Idol and finished my homework when I arrived home. Adam was nearly eliminated, and so I had a manic freakout and made my family fear for my sanity. I'm quite the fangirl when I want to be, it seems.


As for the music I've been listening to... it's a very odd compilation of Atreyu, Bella Morte, Pearl Jam, Veruca Salt, and Flo Rida. I really did not see the last one coming. His new single is really catchy though, and I'm sort of addicted to it. The chorus, where the vocals are less rap sounding and more comprised of melody is my favorite part, though, so at least I can say that I'm not turning into a rap fan or something. The lyrics are really stupid, but I'm still listening to it. As I type. I was listening to some acoustic Smashing Pumpkins earlier, and their songs off of Adore in the car with my father. He loves Appels + Oranjes, as do I, so I had it on repeat. I make a habit out of brainwashing people to like my music.

There's only three more days 'til I get my hair cut and dyed, sixteen days 'til the Bella Morte concert. I'm pretty excited, enough so that school is pretty much bearable. Which is good. I'll try to blog more frequently. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are busy for me, and Monday's been occupied by the dentist, as of late. But that's no excuse. Tomorrow is an absolute nothing day. Though I already know I'm going to have an excess of homework, I'll make it a priority to narrate my life, uneventful as it is, on here.

Aah. Haven't been blogging.

I missed two days. Whoops. This week's been really busy. At least, Tuesday and Wednesday were. Let me summarize them.

On Tuesday, school was pretty good. I had a French test, which I either tanked or aced, I have no idea, but the rest of the day was nice. I had my second piano lesson, with a new teacher. She's really nice, I wasn't too intimidated by her or anything. Which happens to be a problem of sorts for me, generally. She said she's going to try to find me adaptions of Nirvana or Smashing Pumpkins to play on piano, which is... awesome. I did algebra and civics homework for a while, wasted time online, and ate. I also watched American Idol. Adam Lambert is the most talented guy. Ever. Well, not ever. But he's pretty dang good. I have no idea what I was listening to, that day. Probably more Bella Morte.

Wednesday was hectic. School was sort of amusing, for once. My inability to do anything with a needle makes people mock me mercilessly, though. Curse you, Teen Living sewing machines and your finger guards that make threading impossible. Upon arriving home, I raced through a ton of civics homework, as well as algebra, french, and science. Leave it to my teachers to give me more homework than I've had in months on the day that I have to get to church by seven. That deadline doesn't sound particularly hard, but when you have to eat and practice the piano too, it's not easy. I ended up doing some french after getting home, while watching the American Idol results to ensure that my darling Adam was safe. No idea why I'm telling the world about my television habits so much...

Today was a grand day. Well, for the most part. Tomorrow is going to be really good, and so today was sort of the introduction to it, I suppose. I found out that... some people I know are going to be attending the same high school as me next year. My school divides into two high schools, which is sort of tramatic for me, since nearly all of my friends are going to the other one. But! Some people aren't. Which is good. We did almost nothing academically outstanding today. In science, there was a really boring lab activity, but that's about it. I got home, did some homework, and practiced piano for a while. It's so frustrating when one is barely able to read music. Tonight was sort of upsetting, for no reason whatsoever. Firstly, my dog refused to come inside, so I had to corner her with a bag of treats. Then, my brother was being a pain, prompting me to tell my whole family that I was going to be a terrorist who gave my children psychological complexes when I grew up. Which is sort of dramatic. And probably not true. I mean, I don't intend to be an actual terrorist. I think it must be that time o' the month.

I'm addicted to Atreyu. Been listening to nothing else, aside from a little bit of Letters to Cleo and Alice in Chains all day. It's sad. I didn't want to be a screamo fan.