The beginning of the end.

School's almost here. Which means I'm going to stop posting again and start doing homework. I don't hate homework. 'Cept for when its not writing something. Which turns out to be what homework is, ninety five percent of the time. So I guess I really do hate homework. Maybe it'll get better in high school? Meh. I suspect not. I dread the prospect of... doing geometry, or any math at all, especially because I'll be with juniors who failed the class, apparently. It's not that I have a problem with people who don't work hard in class or are stupid or whatever - although I guess I sort of have a problem with the latter - it's mostly that I'm afraid because they're tall and they have an excess of confidence and they might try to cheat off me because I'm a freshman. Well, actually, I'm not afraid of that so much as I'm just hoping that they won't try, because getting suspended or expelled or failing for cheating is not on my list of things to get done this year. However, my mother reminds me, they'll be too concentrated on trying to pass the class to waste their time bothering other people. I'm not so sure that's true, but my mother has been unexpectedly right before, I suppose. I also dread the first day, mostly because I'll get lost. People keep telling me I won't. Ha. I know I will because when I went to that dreadful thing in the middle of the summer, I recognized nothing. Not a thing. I guess I can ask my more knowledgeable classmates or something. Still, what are the odds anyone's going to know enough obscure corners on the first day to tell me where journalism, of all things, is? Not very good ones, I don't think. The only thing I can remember about that room is that its in the back corner of the school, somewhere. Which is totally unhelpful. I'm worried that I won't know enough people to sit somewhere at lunch, even though I have absolutely no objections to sitting there with a book and being antisocial, at least for the first few days. If I were being rational, I wouldn't worry about this stuff, but I'm not so I do. Oh, and I also worry about french class, because I remember nothing. I think half of what we covered last year has totally escaped me. That means either reviewing french this week, or just accepting that my grade won't be so wonderful. Yeah. No clue what I'm going to do about that. And! Biology worries me because I'm not a science person. It took me at least thirty seconds to type the word 'biology' properly, for God's sake. We have to put together a science fair project. This isn't like, detrimental to my life, but I just don't want to. It'll take too long, I won't have any time, it won't be fun. Unless my parents let me experiment on rabbits or mice or something adorable and furry. Which isn't so safe or pleasent for the adorable and furry thing, so I don't think they will. Besides, we have three cats. Even if they weren't be experimented on, they'd have their days numbered. Oh, and I worry about not having enough time. My mother wants me to spend just about all day on Sunday in church, school days will be occupied by piano, whatever club I'm forced into, sleeping, homework and well... school, and Saturdays are the days I sleep. So that leaves me little to no time to do anything worth doing, whether that be hanging out with my friends or writing or reading or cleaning my room or wasting time looking at things on the internet. Which is pretty much what I've been doing all summer, whenever I can, and I like it that way. School eliminates life. For most people, I guess it sort of is life, but not for me. Last year was fine, but this year I need to do well and I'm going to try to have A's in everything but french and math because I need to get into college somehow, and it certainly is not going to be through my participation in countless events. On top of all of this, I'm worried because I'm already going to be in debt due to my hair's rebleaching, and my parents said I need to buy myself a new calculator if I don't find the one I lost. Which was something I really shouldn't have done, because that calculator was expensive and I was stupid for losing it and if I don't have it, I can forget having a halfway decent geometry grade. It's not a worry so much as an, 'oh darn, this kinda sucks.' But I mention it anyway because I can.

I hope nobody actually read all that.

In other news, my family is large and overwhelming and very Italian. My uncle went to a Mudhoney concert the night before he went to a Pearl Jam concert, making me eternally envious of his life. I ditched the baby shower I was meant to attend because I was wearing old jeans and a black sweatshirt, which was not an acceptable outfit, so I went to a kid museum with my father and little brother and had a great time. I think it was the best part of the whole six day thing. My little brother is the only one in my family who I consistently get along with. I brought my piano books to my grandparents' house because they have a piano and a keyboard, but every time I tried to practice, something happened and I couldn't. On top of that, I left the books there - however, I must confess, that was partly purposely because I didn't want to be stuck taking a lesson where I knew just about nothing tomorrow - so now I have no lesson tomorrow. At first I was insanely relieved. But then I realzied that now my first lesson falls on the first day of school, and then my reaction was a little less relieved. I will come home from all of the peril that will undoubtedly strike me, and then have more peril strike me because that's how it works with me and piano lessons. I love playing so darn much, but I get a panic attack before every single lesson.

My new guitar is here! At last! It's gorgeous. The strings were really, really out of tune but I fixed them up and played around a little with it. I am, by no means, a guitar expert, but I think it's comfortable to play. It's nice to have a change of pace, and having a guitar that's a little larger will probably help my fingers, not that I can tell at all by playing it, which I know is messed up, though I think my hands were probably still fine with the smaller size. My hand's not all that much bigger than my eight year old sister's. My mother still thinks it looks hickish. I don't care anymore. I've seen numerous people who are definitely not hicks playing very similar guitars, including some guy who I'm pretty sure is ex - Love Battery, so she's wrong.

I bought new (to me) shoes, after a long search, that are about twenty five years old and nineteen dollars. They're gray and rather ugly, but ugly in a pretty way. I love them. I don't know how comfortable they'll be, but I can whack them into shape by keeping them on while I sleep or something.

This week will be so busy. Tomorrow should have been a piano lesson, but it's not anymore, so I guess that's free. Wednesday is a therapy appointment. With my father. So much fun. Not only will my therapist yell at me to get involved with activity sorts of things, she'll also yell at me to communicate with my father. We haven't done any of the things she demanded we do last time we went, so we're both screwed in that respect. And school orientation, which I'm also worried about, but as long as they let us hang with friends, it should be all right. Believe it or not, I have kept in touch with most of the people I hung out with at school, which isn't actually all that useful, since most of them are going to another high school, but I suppose it sort of is. On Thursday, my sister has gymnastics and several people have orientation, which isn't that eventful for me, but it does mean there will be household chaos and such. On Friday, I'm getting my hair cut. And someone else is having orientation. I have too many other people living with me. On Saturday, I'm getting up early and driving to New Jersey for reasons I explained before.

This is getting long. I listened to Bikini Kill, Love Battery, Elastica, Smashing Pumpkins, Bratmobile, Duran Duran, Pond and Foo Fighters this week. That's all you need know.

Yeah.